In the letter below, Chris writes to me, struggling with what we are doing. I too am trying to find a way to help Chris at the same time keeping up my obligations in my life. We haven't yet even spoken on the phone, though that is the plan next week. Here, to be transparent, I am posting what we are both struggling with though we are not able to efficiently communicate. At least not yet. This is why my visit to Seattle in April is important to us both.
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9 March 11
Dear Anne,
I'm going to procrastinate saying this for just a minute. I'm not sure if I slept through lunch, so I'm going to take a lap and on the other side of the triangle I'll see the clock on the pillar. We need to talk about the direction of the blog more directly and more firmly agree on where it's going. I'm dissatisfied with it and am disconnecting. My intention has been to produce a short work. I do not want every unpolished word published, in thinking aloud, because like song artists who get robbed for putting up their tunes, so I will defeat the purpose I secretly had. So I'm surfacing it and expressing my inner conflict at the same time.
I need you. I care for you but the truth is, I don't know a wink about you. We have forged a pseudo loving relationship on the pretext of my witness to close the SOA. Because you know they world in a different way I have not written you much about the science of nonviolence or the minutiae of wrong about the SOA. Our common ground seemed to me to stem from the shared experience of the Lenten prayer group, and more profoundly from knowing God personally through the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius. Now, my dissatisfaction organically stems from my restlessness as a person without health insurance or more than $200 in my bank account, a BA and a Catholic worker house to hang my little hopes on of selling some writings in hopes of aiding souls.
Yet also, here, now, away from daily Mass my relationship with God has continued to develop. I just keep writing for the sake of our commitment even though I don't know what that means. I'll try not to keep secret my experience here. For your partner here wants you to be empowered in this relationship. I trust you to find with me the nuggets for wider consumption. I fear not knowing how much p9ower you have and I'm anxious to be able to look over your shoulder.
Chris
The following is a comment sent into me from Fr. Bob
ReplyDeleteJust a word of thanks:
to Anne, for putting this amazing blogspot together with such warm and supportive images;
to Chris, for remaining focused and faithful to the mission he has embraced, to awaken the conscience of a sleeping nation through his nonviolent protest that is not too far beyond the imaginations of ordinary US citizens, who know there is something basically wrong with out military support of Latin American regimes but cannot find a way to connect.
to SOA Watch for their organization, enduring zeal and care for those who share the dream of the beloved community.
garcias por todos, Fr. Bob Cushing